All parents generally do what they think is the best for their child.  Despite this, there will be times when a parent does there best and their child still struggles, acts out, argues, tantrums, or flounders.  Along with that torrent, parents may find themselves right along side their child, struggling.  A good parent at times may feel, guilty, incompetent, powerless or enraged.  In time, with patience, careful thought and care, the conflict hopefully subsides or resolves.  There may be times, however, that parents find themselves unable to manage circumstances with their child/children.

All intimate relationships will help us find those places in ourselves that are not as yet fully resolved. There are old hurts, insecurities or self doubts.  Being a parent will touch those same exposed nerves!  Any parent from time to time will do well in seeking outside help and support.

Counseling is one avenue.  Talking to a therapist experienced in family dynamics can help a parent not only understand where the child is stuck, but where he/she and the relationship is as well.  All parents have times of difficulty with their children.  If over time these problems do not improve therapy is an excellent source of support and help.

It is estimated that approximately 1 % of people are transgender. Transgender is a general term used to describe any person who does not fit into traditional sex roles.  When someone’s internal sense of gender or its expression does not match conventional definitions of male and female, that person is transgender.  Individuals who fall under this definition are crossdressers, intersexed people, transsexuals, gender queer and gender variant individuals. These terms and definitions continue to grow as trans people continue to define for themselves who they are.

A crossdresser is someone of one biological gender who enjoys dressing in the “normally considered” attire of the person of the opposite biological gender.  Usually a crossdresser engages in this activity part time and does not want to change their gender or live as a person of the opposite gender.

An intersexed persons biology is inconsistent with either genders.  Such individuals may have chromosomal differences, ambiguous genitalia or sex organs from both sexes.

A transsexual person is someone born of one gender and whose internal sense of gender identifies with the opposite gender.  Due to increased awareness and acceptance in certain circles, more people are choosing to “transition,” and thereby make changes to their physical body, outward appearance and/or to their use of pronouns.  There is no “one way fits all” recipe for transsexuals.  Each person decides for themselves which, if any changes will be assist their transition.

Gender queer and gender variant, are people who do not conform to a gender binary view.  Gender queer people do not view the world as only male or female. They recognize the gradations of sex roles and see the potential of both genders in every person.  They are likely to see within themselves variations of gender.  One person may express themselves in appearance as the gender in which they were born, but use the pronoun of the opposite gender.  Another may express themselves not either as male or female, but hold qualities of both.  Gender queer people challenge conventional ideas of gender held generally by our modern world.

Transgender is a term that refers only to gender.  It does not refer to sexual orientation.  A transgender person is not necessarily, lesbian or gay.  Sexual orientation bares no correlation to ones gender identity.  This is often confused.  People often think if a person is a transsexual, they are gay.  This is not the case.  Some of the confusion may be perhaps in part to the fact that for the transsexual, their sexual orientations “appears” to change when they transition.  For example, if a biological male has always been attracted to women, upon transitioning she will probably still be attracted to women.  Before transition this person is seen by our culture as heterosexual, but after transition she is then seen as lesbian.  Since this person has always felt truly female, her sexual orientation itself has not changed, just the labeling of it.

Transgender people are not pathological or sick, only different from what we in modern culture agree as “normal.”  The illnesses by which the transgender person suffers usually stem from the prejudice, lack of acceptance and hatred they endure.

Many transgender people at some point in their lives enter therapy as both a means to access medical treatment (hormones and surgeries) and to work with the complex issues facing a person who is changing their lives.  Professional counselors can help transgender people clarify their personal gender orientation, work with that changing identity, help with the stresses associated with family, friends, spouses, and work environments.  Counseling may be a critical component to the well being of someone who may have struggled with gender for many years or all their lives (see Transgender Services).

LifeCourse proudly embraces transgender and gender queer and gender variant people among the populations we serve. We are grateful to both transgender and gender queer people as they help us all broaden our identities and the limitless possibilities of who we can be.

Associated with loss is grief.  Grief brings tumultuous feelings that can include great sadness, anger, numbness, feeling lost and alone and even feelings that can not be described by words.  Grief is like a storm whose fierceness can not be predicted.  Following loss, someone may be fine one moment and overcome with distress the next.

As a culture we do not deal with loss and grief well.  After a loss other people may acknowledge it and give their condolences and then never mention it again.  It leaves the grieving person feeling that much more alone.

Since some gay, lesbian and transgender people do not live openly or do not enjoy the support of family, friends and co-workers, losing a partner can be particularly difficult.  When a grieving person can not share their loss with others, the suffering can be severe.

Almost more than any other emotion, grief has its own natural course.  It is similar to a large wave at the beach.  It may come in and hit just as someone struggles to stand and walk ashore.  As it hits, the force knocks the person under the water.  It is usually futile to fight the wave’s strength. It only creates panic as the wave overpowers its victim.  But if that person allows the wave its moment and trusts the wave will lessen its grip, it inevitable does.  Grief hurts and grief does let go.

Grief is the process that cleanses and eventually allows the new.  If the loss has been of something or someone cherished and loved, grief’s fire blazes the beloved in the heart forever.

Life does not go forth as “normal” for a grieving heart.  It requires great self care, time and gentleness for healing.  Support is essential through this time.  Loving friends and family can help tremendously.

Some people may need help to move through a loss.  Loss will dredge up other losses which is why people sometimes need the help of a therapist to work through old losses that come up with the present one.  Loss can do damage to self esteem and can quickly change a person’s life.  Some people may find that the power of the emotion associated with grief difficult to manage.  Therapy can help a person trust that the wave will let go and help the person ashore. A good psychotherapist can help a person make sense of what seems impossible to understand and find new directions for healing.  Loss and grief are part of life, and then again, so is healing.

Throughout life there are many developmental challenges; growing up, developing a relationship to oneself and others, seeking meaningful work, friends, family and partnerships.  Establishing these in fulfilling and satisfying ways is not always easy.  We can all experience frustration.  Things do not always go as planned.

Even the best things in life eventually bring challenges.  Having a good job or relationship, enjoying good health, establishing financial stability, etc, it does not last forever.  Loss is a natural part of life.  Of course, this too, is very challenging and very painful.

In a world full of competition, when people do not always treat one another well or with respect, it makes life hard. There is dissention between nations, war, poverty and violence. It is no wonder this distress affects communities, families, couples and individuals.

Some people think it is a weakness to have trouble with some challenge, or even worse think it is weak to need help.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Being social creatures, we live in relation to others.  Every human needs help from time to time.

Friends and family are so very important in helping us through life.  Sometimes, however they are not enough. Psychotherapy provided by a professional therapist can offer additional insight, perspective and guidance through the rough spots.  Regardless of what anyone says, counseling is a courageous step that does not mean sickness.  Instead it is a self caring step towards wholeness and health.

The initial inclination to seek the help of substances is understandable.  When a person is around others who use, it is a feasible route.  In fact, in some circles, socializing centers on the use of substances.  Using then, becomes a way of life.  For others, turning to drugs and alcohol is a hope for relief from stress, pain or some untenable situation in that person’s life.  When things are not going well, when a person is suffering and/or when those around that person use, substances make sense.

The initial high and relief soon becomes a need to rely on that substance in order to feel better.  Shortly after that, it may become a regular part of life.  Daily routine may very well begin to center around ones drug of choice and before long that drug has control over the person who first turned to that substance in order to gain more control.  While first motivated by a healthy need to reduce suffering, dependence on alcohol and drugs, will eventually increase suffering.

While studies showing the incidence of alcoholism and drug use within the gay, lesbian, queer and transsexual populations inconclusive, it is commonly believed that it is higher than that of heterosexual people.  This is easy to understand given the homophobia and transphobia in our culture.  How a lesbian, gay, queer or transgender person feels about their gender or sexual orientation, how openly that person can live and how much support someone has will greatly influence the GLBT person’s  likelihood of developing problems with substances.

Deciding to become sober is a hard choice.  However staying drunk or otherwise intoxicated is harder.  Little by little a person who is dependent on drugs or alcohol finds that the good things in their lives fall away.  As a substance becomes more important in ones life, other people, other interests, and career become less important.  People often loose things that were once central to them.  At the very least dependence or addiction to drugs and alcohol will reduce one’s vitality and potential fulfillment.   Drugs and alcohol can also ruin people’s lives.

Becoming sober can involve many things.  Twelve step programs offer a wonderful structure for sobriety as well as enormous support.  Various types of rehabilitation programs offer a safe and structured environment that can support the initial phases of sobriety.  Garnering support from family and friends, when available, is important.  Therapy helps people come to understand the role that their drug of choice has provided.  It can help people find new ways of coping with stress.  Counseling can help people make better choices, find other, more adaptable ways of feeling better and finding solutions to life’s problems and pain.  Good psychotherapy will also help a person relate better with themselves and others.  Therapists with experience in working with drug and alcohol dependence understand this journey.  Becoming sober is not easy.  But ask someone who has been through it and they will surely say that has given them new life.

Communication starts with knowing and accepting oneself; ones feelings, desires, needs, inclinations.  Understanding that no two people are precisely alike is also important.  No two people have the same likes, opinions and viewpoints on things even if they share quite a few.  Being able to accept those differences is imperative.  Then finding ways of negotiating those differences ensure a good outcome.

Too often, people can stumble over obstacles in achieving good communication.  Blame and judgment cause great harm.  Communication can not be based on being right or hurting the other. Instead it must be based on wanting to understand and support the other.  Good communication can be achieved by people being able to hear the other regardless of whether there is agreement.  Understanding that there is no “right” way to think or behave, instead realizing that there are countless valid ways of thinking and behaving.

Learning how to speak for only oneself is critical for communication.  Too often people think they know what the other person thinks, or worse, what’s best for them.  It is important to learn to listen to the other, not speak for them.

This can all be extremely elusive and seem impossible to achieve.  For this very reason, the professional guidance of a therapist can help couples learn the art of communication.  There are very real tools people can learn that will increase ability to listen and speak well.  Counseling helps people and couples learn the necessary skills to garner mutual respect, care and understanding.

Some anxiety is normal throughout life.  Inherently it provides a warning system against danger.   It heightens a sense of alertness which can be healthy and adaptive.

As the world has become more complex, the amount of stress that humans face has grown proportionately.  Individuals will naturally feel anxious when difficult situations arise such as illness, loss of job or relationship or any life transition, just to name a few.  If the anxiety that a person feels is manageable, if that person can adapt to the life stress and regain a sense of equilibrium, anxiety will naturally lessen.

Some people, however, find that anxiety, panic, fear and obsessive thoughts and behaviors become part of their daily lives and can interfere with functioning.  These symptoms can create discomfort under certain situations, they can rule a person’s life or anything in between.

Causes of these symptoms are innumerable.  As previously mentioned, modern life comes with a good deal of stress, creating anxiety.  Traumatic events occurring in either the present or the past can create a great deal of distress.  Injuries to self worth, loss and transitions can also make someone anxious.  Being different can be the source of great anxiety as is sometimes the case for gay, lesbian, transgender and gender variant people.  Ethnic, race, and class issues can also create various kinds of distress.

Part of what makes panic, phobias and obsessive thoughts so difficult, is that they can appear not to have a cause.  People sometimes think they are crazy because for some reason unbeknownst to themselves, one of these symptoms appear “out of the blue.”  Even if a person has lived with one of these for a long time, the reasons may not be readily apparent.  These symptoms are so distressing for some people that they do think they are crazy….but they are not.

Anxiety, fears, phobias and obsessive thoughts and behaviors are perfect reactions to a person’s unique experience.  With patience, understanding and exploration it is possible to understand the causes of a person’s distress.

There are many avenues now available to help with these symptoms.  First, it is suggested that a person adopt a balanced and healthy lifestyle.  Exercise, a good and well balanced diet, good sleep habits and rest are important.  Meditation, yoga, Thai Chi, Qigong, stress reduction books and classes can all help.  Therapy is also a wonderful resource in coming to understand the symptom/s that a person is having.  People who are anxious, afraid, phobic and obsessive have come to believe things that perpetuate these symptoms.  Psychotherapy can help people examine the causes of these symptoms and help people see the world differently.  Then with time, patience and practice new ways of responding to the world can emerge.  Finding new ways of coping with old pain and beliefs is central to healing all anxiety related distress.  Understanding and resolving fears allow people to make better decisions all around and thereby increasing the quality of life.

If sexual orientation or gender identity is the cause of ones anxiety counseling can also help the lesbian, gay, transgender or gender queer person. It may be important to consider issues of identity, self acceptance, and family and work relationships.

Life need not be determined by ones anxieties and fears.  While fear says that it is knows the truth, nothing could be farther from the truth.  Inner peace and fulfillment come from moving beyond the false beliefs fear would purport.  With determination, commitment and help, this is more than possible.

Some anxiety is normal throughout life.  Inherently it provides a warning system against danger.   It heightens a sense of alertness which can be healthy and adaptive.

As the world has become more complex, the amount of stress that humans face has grown proportionately.  Individuals will naturally feel anxious when difficult situations arise such as illness, loss of job or relationship or any life transition, just to name a few.  If the anxiety that a person feels is manageable, if that person can adapt to the life stress and regain a sense of equilibrium, anxiety will naturally lessen.

Some people, however, find that anxiety, panic, fear and obsessive thoughts and behaviors become part of their daily lives and can interfere with functioning.  These symptoms can create discomfort under certain situations, they can rule a person’s life or anything in between.

Causes of these symptoms are innumerable.  As previously mentioned, modern life comes with a good deal of stress, creating anxiety.  Traumatic events occurring in either the present or the past can create a great deal of distress.  Injuries to self worth, loss and transitions can also make someone anxious.  Being different can be the source of great anxiety as is sometimes the case for gay, lesbian, transgender and gender variant people.  Ethnic, race, and class issues can also create various kinds of distress.

Part of what makes panic, phobias and obsessive thoughts so difficult, is that they can appear not to have a cause.  People sometimes think they are crazy because for some reason unbeknownst to themselves, one of these symptoms appear “out of the blue.”  Even if a person has lived with one of these for a long time, the reasons may not be readily apparent.  These symptoms are so distressing for some people that they do think they are crazy….but they are not.

Anxiety, fears, phobias and obsessive thoughts and behaviors are perfect reactions to a person’s unique experience.  With patience, understanding and exploration it is possible to understand the causes of a person’s distress.

There are many avenues now available to help with these symptoms.  First, it is suggested that a person adopt a balanced and healthy lifestyle.  Exercise, a good and well balanced diet, good sleep habits and rest are important.  Meditation, yoga, Thai Chi, Qigong, stress reduction books and classes can all help.  Therapy is also a wonderful resource in coming to understand the symptom/s that a person is having.  People who are anxious, afraid, phobic and obsessive have come to believe things that perpetuate these symptoms.  Psychotherapy can help people examine the causes of these symptoms and help people see the world differently.  Then with time, patience and practice new ways of responding to the world can emerge.  Finding new ways of coping with old pain and beliefs is central to healing all anxiety related distress.  Understanding and resolving fears allow people to make better decisions all around and thereby increasing the quality of life.

If sexual orientation or gender identity is the cause of ones anxiety counseling can also help the lesbian, gay, transgender or gender queer person. It may be important to consider issues of identity, self acceptance, and family and work relationships.

Life need not be determined by ones anxieties and fears.  While fear says that it is knows the truth, nothing could be farther from the truth.  Inner peace and fulfillment come from moving beyond the false beliefs fear would purport.  With determination, commitment and help, this is more than possible.

Some anxiety is normal throughout life.  Inherently it provides a warning system against danger.   It heightens a sense of alertness which can be healthy and adaptive.

As the world has become more complex, the amount of stress that humans face has grown proportionately.  Individuals will naturally feel anxious when difficult situations arise such as illness, loss of job or relationship or any life transition, just to name a few.  If the anxiety that a person feels is manageable, if that person can adapt to the life stress and regain a sense of equilibrium, anxiety will naturally lessen.

Some people, however, find that anxiety, panic, fear and obsessive thoughts and behaviors become part of their daily lives and can interfere with functioning.  These symptoms can create discomfort under certain situations, they can rule a person’s life or anything in between.

Causes of these symptoms are innumerable.  As previously mentioned, modern life comes with a good deal of stress, creating anxiety.  Traumatic events occurring in either the present or the past can create a great deal of distress.  Injuries to self worth, loss and transitions can also make someone anxious.  Being different can be the source of great anxiety as is sometimes the case for gay, lesbian, transgender and gender variant people.  Ethnic, race, and class issues can also create various kinds of distress.

Part of what makes panic, phobias and obsessive thoughts so difficult, is that they can appear not to have a cause.  People sometimes think they are crazy because for some reason unbeknownst to themselves, one of these symptoms appear “out of the blue.”  Even if a person has lived with one of these for a long time, the reasons may not be readily apparent.  These symptoms are so distressing for some people that they do think they are crazy….but they are not.

Anxiety, fears, phobias and obsessive thoughts and behaviors are perfect reactions to a person’s unique experience.  With patience, understanding and exploration it is possible to understand the causes of a person’s distress.

There are many avenues now available to help with these symptoms.  First, it is suggested that a person adopt a balanced and healthy lifestyle.  Exercise, a good and well balanced diet, good sleep habits and rest are important.  Meditation, yoga, Thai Chi, Qigong, stress reduction books and classes can all help.  Therapy is also a wonderful resource in coming to understand the symptom/s that a person is having.  People who are anxious, afraid, phobic and obsessive have come to believe things that perpetuate these symptoms.  Psychotherapy can help people examine the causes of these symptoms and help people see the world differently.  Then with time, patience and practice new ways of responding to the world can emerge.  Finding new ways of coping with old pain and beliefs is central to healing all anxiety related distress.  Understanding and resolving fears allow people to make better decisions all around and thereby increasing the quality of life.

If sexual orientation or gender identity is the cause of ones anxiety counseling can also help the lesbian, gay, transgender or gender queer person. It may be important to consider issues of identity, self acceptance, and family and work relationships.

Life need not be determined by ones anxieties and fears.  While fear says that it is knows the truth, nothing could be farther from the truth.  Inner peace and fulfillment come from moving beyond the false beliefs fear would purport.  With determination, commitment and help, this is more than possible.

As children grow up, become adults and age, there comes several stages of development. Each stage has its unique challenges and gifts. Children first learn about the world through the eyes of their families. Adolescents explore other possibilities through their peers. Young adults begin to form opinions and views of the world for themselves as well as begin to support themselves, begin careers, start families and find their place in the world. Mid life often brings a time of re-evaluation. The values and beliefs of youth are considered, careers and life partners evaluated. People begin to think about what regrets they may have or what they would like to be different and consider changes. As people age and as they begin to look at the end of life rather than a long life ahead, there can be a greater sense of urgency about what is important. At the same time bodily changes become more noticeable, a reminder of the natural course of life’s ebbs and flows.

All these stages offer the potential for a person to come to know themselves more deeply. Being human, all people are confronted with aspects of themselves that they like and some they do not. Coming to accept oneself is a major life challenge for all people. Aging, brings this to the forefront.

Additionally, as one ages there are losses; of relationships, careers, physical competence, status, and loved ones. Being human asks us to go beyond those values and beliefs inherent in those images of idealized youth and find within ourselves what is of value in life. Coming to terms with all the gifts and losses, both within and outside are challenges and opportunities of aging.

Believing only the superficial messages given to people by our culture, it is very painful to age. Considering, however our own inner truths of what life has taught us can help us accept aging. No one is too old to consider the meaning of their life, what makes it worth it and what might still make it worth it. Choosing to age with consciousness and be willing to consider what we know on a deeper level can bring about acceptance and healing to this inevitable process.

There are many places where a person can stumble while aging. Counseling can help someone come to terms with the numerous changes, losses and gains inherent in aging. Therapists and clients can move into a more meaningful realm of understanding its joys and challenges. Consideration of our lives is worthy at any point in life. It’s just that as we get older, on the surface, the losses and hardships loom. At closer look, there may be gifts that have great potential which is why the older years can be seen and experienced as the golden ones.